kaffy_r | Entries tagged with worry

A Few Things Make a Post. More or Less.

( Work stuff )

( Original stuff, and it's fall! )

( Lolla, redux, and Korean weirdness )

( Family stuff )
Now, I've got to get to bed. I'm volunteering at a fundraising golf tournament tomorrow. I hate golf. But I like the news outlet that's raising money this way, and I really like my editor, who needs all the volunteers he can get. Golf. Which, I am sure I don't need to remind you, is flog, spelled backward.

Ta, folks.

Current Mood: moody
Current Location: the home office
Current Music: Stray Kids, "Mixtape #2"

Watching the Electives*

So now that I've put together an updated resume and a cover letter, and sent it off to my target community news outlet; now that I've calmed myself down and come to some sort of ragged calm about seeing our bank accounts disappear and making the decision that I must return in some fashion to the working world; now that I've put together my basic holiday card list ... now I can settle in with MSNBC to watch the Georgia federal senatorial run-off returns. I had a glass of wine with dinner, and may celebrate a Warnock win (IhopeIhopeIhope) with an Empire.

Oh, and I can share some of the evening with y'all. Hi!

(Let me know if you'd like a card from me. I may already have your address, but if you're not certain about that, I'd rather get your information twice than not at all.)

How is everyone?

*Sorry; it's the best I could do on short notice.

Current Mood: hopeful
Current Location: the living room
Current Music: MSNBC

COVID-19

I'll try to write a post that isn't birthday or health related later tonight, but right now, I want to link to this Google document that I learned of from one of my journalist colleagues. I read through it, and it's got a lot of good advice, in plain English. Knowing most of my f'list, you're probably already up on accurate information about both this particular novel coronavirus and the illness it causes, but perhaps if you know people who'd like to read something that isn't full of medicalese or political asides, this link could come in handy, as could this link to World Health Organization information.

I know I've bounced around in my head about this virus, and whether it's as dangerous as, say, SARS, MERS or our regular annual menus of influenza viruses.

( My meanderings, let me show you them. )

Current Mood: listless
Current Location: the home office
Current Music: raindrops
Crossposts: https://kaffyr.livejournal.com/554154.html

Climate Strike 2019

Around the world yesterday, millions of people challenged climate deniers to stop being criminally stupid and greedy, in order to stop the end of the world. I hope Climate Strike 2019 actually helps. I desperately hope so - me with my recyclable bamboo toothbrushes, my environmentally sound toilet paper and paper towels, my reusable bamboo straws, efforts to take public trans and not drive quite so much ... maybe it's just Middle Class White Woman guilt, but maybe doing those things, and pressuring politicians and businesses, can have a positive result. Maybe. I hope.

Anyhow, a day late, but here's a shot from the Evanston Climate Strike event that BB and I went to. There were more than 300 people there, most of them students from nearby Evanston Township High School. Students organized the whole thing, and their message was harsh and absolutely right: we don't have any more time to fix this; climate crisis denial is deeply racist as well as scientifically stupid, so stand with POC who are hit first and worst with the results of pollution and galloping climate change; no one can escape, and no one can plead ignorance, so stop dithering and save our world. (I took more pictures, but most of them have students' full-on faces in them, so I'm not using them. Besides, this one sign says it perfectly.)

There was a much larger event earlier in the day in downtown Chicago, but this event, organized by an ethnically and economically diverse group of pissed off kids, was a tiny glimmer of hope for the future.

And finally, here's Marvin Gaye's prescient 1971 song, Mercy Mercy Me (The Ecology). The very end, with its unearthly keen captures some of the terror of our environmental reality today.

Photo of sign from Climate Strike 2019, Evanston IL

Photo of sign from Climate Strike 2019, Evanston IL

"Mercy Mercy Me (The Ecology)" (Watch on YouTube)

Current Mood: scared
Current Location: the home office
Current Music: Marvin Gaye, "Mercy Mercy Me"
Crossposts: https://kaffyr.livejournal.com/531069.html

Retired

And drinking a martini before going to a concert.

Talk to y'all later.

Crossposts: https://kaffyr.livejournal.com/507199.html

Still Alive

But goodness me, it seems to be taking too much energy.

Current Mood: exhausted
Current Location: Heading Out on the Road
Crossposts: https://kaffyr.livejournal.com/501954.html

Got Through It

I wrote three stories, and covered a fourth, which I'll have to write about tomorrow, in time for a 10 a.m. deadline. I think I can do it, but yeah, a hell of a start to the week.

I had a video chat with Andy this evening; I want to let him know that we're here for him to vent to, as he needs it. He's looking for work in all sorts of places, and waiting for his Washington Uber driving OK to come through; I knew that work and available cash was going to be their stressor really soon after they got to Seattle, but knowing it doesn't make it any easier to watch. And of course, they knew it was going to be difficult at first - but knowing it and experiencing it are completely different things. Sent them some good vibes, if you think about it, eh?

I did clear up one potential glitch in my efforts to get a new Canadian passport - I'd simply downloaded the wrong form, which was giving me wrong, and very worrisome, information about the process I need to go through. Thank heavens it was, as I found out today, wrong.

I still haven't uploaded our Seattle visit pics. Then again, I don't intend to inflict too many more of those on you, My Faithful Readers.

Current Mood: tired
Current Location: the living room.
Current Music: Someone singing quite well upstairs
Crossposts: https://kaffyr.livejournal.com/499801.html

Getting Things Done

In less than a week, Andy and Emily will take off for their eight-day trip, u-haul trailer and all, to Seattle. They're in the last crazy days of packing, always in need of more boxes, and terribly behind. Which is absolutely normal for moving, but I feel for them. If I have any evening time this week, I'll go over and offer what help I may.

I've determined that I have another week of vacation available to take this year, and I'm going to ask to be cleared to take it the third week of September. That will allow Bob and me (wow - that's grammatical, but sounds weird) to fly out to Seattle, with their cats, Tommy and Lily. We'll be babysitting the cats while they drive out and get settled into their new place. Thank god, they found a place they could afford, 20 minutes outside the city. Emily has found a couple of part-time nanny gigs that she can handle on top of her classes, and Andy, who hasn't yet found a job in his field, says he'll Uber until he can. With GPS, one doesn't have to be familiar with where one's driving, I suppose.

Argh. I'm worried.

Today, we got rid of some medical records and such that go back mostly to 2014, but a few that go back to 2010. None of them are necessary at this point. It allows us to clear out a section of the office which we've sort of planned to make the visiting kitties' space - we have a cat tree, so the old cat tree, which Bob was able to cut down by one level* has been moved in there for the micro-cats (they're full grown and still only half the size of Phil and Opie.) That's where their litter box will be as well, oh joy. Still, it's only for two weeks.

I got my hair cut, and I'm about to take a shower to get ready for karaoke shenanigans. Why karaoke, you ask?

Because tonight, we're invited to a goodbye party thrown by some of their close friends. It's at a favorite bar of theirs, where, I am reliably told by my first born, There Will Be ~~Blood~~ Karaoke. The party doesn't start until 9 o'clock, which strikes me as altogether too late to get started on partying of any kind. That undoubtedly marks me as a feeble oldster, to which I willingly cop. Ah, well; that we're invited is a mark of ... I don't know - respect? Andy definitely wanted us there.

Current Mood: anxious
Current Location: the living room.
Current Music: Lester Young, "Ad Lib Blues"
Crossposts: https://kaffyr.livejournal.com/495996.html

Still In Hospital

Still not breathing easily, in the least. (Which is doubly weird, and not a little unnerving, since his blood is very nicely oxygenated, thanks to his nasal cannula.) He has an infection, they've decided to try to deal with it with steroids. He's extremely unhappy, and I'm worried about his inability to sleep in hospital. As some of you may remember, BB+hospital+extended lack of sleep=potential hospital psychosis.

I managed to get two stories written today, which meant my boss wasn't breathing down my neck. And to be fair, he sent his wishes along for Bob.

I'm going to crash now.

Current Mood: worried
Current Location: Going to bed
Crossposts: https://kaffyr.livejournal.com/485488.html

Keeping It Brief

Bob's in hospital with pneumonia, and possibly influenza as well.

I took him in to the emergency room at midnight Tuesday-Wednesday; he'd developed what we both hoped wasn't flu last Friday; fever, aches, etc. He went to ground and stayed in bed all Saturday, Sunday, and Monday. He was incredibly congested, with a cough that brought up ugly stuff, and had difficulty breathing - not good for someone with emphysema - but Tuesday night, he got up and thought he was doing better. Until I noticed his breathing was even more shallow, he was unsteady on his feet, and he wasn't making any sense anymore. Not enough oxygen.

They admitted him quickly, which meant that they were still waiting for the bureaucratic crap to be completed at 3 a.m. Bob sent me home while I could still drive, and he finally got a room at 4 a.m. I got into bed at 4:30 a.m., slept like shit until 10 a.m. and have largely been at the hospital since noon. I'm back now. Took today off, but probably can't do that tomorrow. Andy and Em will keep me a little company tonight, and I'll fall into bed at 9 or so.

Wish him luck, please. He hates hospitals - they haven't treated him well, even though they've saved his life a couple of times. Hospital psychosis is not a good thing. He doesn't sleep at hospitals, which is a sure route to hospital psychosis.

I'm exhausted. I'm calling it a day. Guess I got wordy after all.

Current Mood: exhausted
Current Location: the living room.
Current Music: Patricia Barber
Crossposts: https://kaffyr.livejournal.com/480085.html

I Am Silent In the Face of Heartbreak

Every year, I try to write something about this country on July 4, because I love it.

(Oh sure, you do,

kaffy_r ... how come you're not a citizen?)

But this year, after eight months of surreality -

(What makes a country great? What makes it great again? How can it become great for the first time?)

I find that I cannot.

(Some must think that makes me a traitor. Some must think I must be spineless. Some must think it makes me a patriot. I think it makes me confused.)

I still love it.

(Can't figure out why, except that it's still got a chance to be great, and isn't that almost enough?)

So I turn to music.

This man's guitar killed fascists.

Watch on YouTube

This man was prescient in so many ways, but he was wrong about the revolution. Or maybe he'll still be right. It's apparently the counter-revolution that's being televised.

Watch on YouTube

This American Woman slays - and she frightens racists.

Watch on YouTube

And this one ... I forgive him for forgetting that there were a lot of folks here when the Mayflower arrived, because ... because, because, because, and partly because of the beauty of their two voices. Every year this one makes me weep more.

Watch on YouTube

Current Mood: sad
Current Location: Going to watch fireworks
Crossposts: http://kaffyr.livejournal.com/457722.html

Things What I Have Been Doing

( All under here )

Current Mood: groggy
Current Location: Going to bed
Crossposts: http://kaffyr.livejournal.com/451425.html

Wish Me Luck

In an effort to make Monday less apt to be the first through ninth circles of Hell, I'm doing some workday work on Saturday. I'm giving myself two hours to get some reasonable things done, (checking backgrounds on candidates, uploading a police blotter, sending emails with questions to the candidates I haven't reached yet, which probably means having to hunt up emails, and telling people they can call me on Sunday), and then I"m going to tell myself to relax again.

And, hey, I may even have something to say beyond this, later today. We'll see.

Current Mood: stressed
Current Location: the livingroom
Crossposts: http://kaffyr.livejournal.com/444298.html

I Got to 15 Days ...

... and then the week that truly was from hell hit me. Last night I lost the last of my spoons. I went to bed without having posted anything.

Still, I have been better at posting this month than I've been for quite some time. And, hey, I'm getting back up on the bicycle, and posting now, amn't I? Which, when I put it that way, sounds extremely defensive, but then I've been feeling rather defensive for the past 48 or so hours.

I'm not going to go into all the awfulness of Wednesday through today, at least not today. And certainly, my stress is ongoing, as is the difficult time at work. But tonight, my beloved took me out to our favorite sushi place, and it was so relaxing just to sit and talk with him, drink miso soup and eat chirashi and mackerel jaw, that I don't want to think about anything else. (BB actually pointed out, when I said that, that it's the only one we go to, but that's not completely true and anyway, even if we did go out to other sushi places, this is the one I think I'd like the most.)'

It's Friday, and I am home, and I'm going to watch something enjoyable with BB, and then I'm going to go to bed and cuddle with him, put my head on his chest, and try to unknot my stomach.

Current Mood: groggy
Current Location: the livingroom
Crossposts: http://kaffyr.livejournal.com/444082.html

[Poll #2056710]

Tick As Many Boxes as You Want...

Poll #17720 Cubs Fever

Open to: Registered Users, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 8

View Respondents

What Sympathetic Magic Should I Perform to Help the Cubs?

View Answers

Don't watch the game, for god's sake!
1 (12.5%)

Watch the game, for god's sake!
1 (12.5%)

Fingers in ears, sing la-la-la!
1 (12.5%)

Sacrifice to the gods of baseball
3 (37.5%)

No, better, sacrifice to the dark gods, that'll go well!
0 (0.0%)

Weep
3 (37.5%)

Cats!
6 (75.0%)

All of the above
1 (12.5%)

None of the above
0 (0.0%)

Again I say - cats!
7 (87.5%)

Current Mood: anxious
Current Location: the livingroom
Crossposts: http://kaffyr.livejournal.com/427178.html

I Am Watching

I hope this isn't a bad thing.

Current Mood: anxious
Current Location: the livingroom
Crossposts: http://kaffyr.livejournal.com/426983.html

Things I Have Done Lately

1. Obsessed over every episode of Game of Thrones, without ever watching a single episode. Yes, I've watched every scene on YouTube that YouTubers can offer me, loads of reviews and responses. No, I don't have HBO, and ... it's stupid of me. But I'm going to be so upset at the end of the season next Sunday.

2. Thrown out all the Marion Zimmer Bradley books I've had on my shelf for years. I'd thought I'd keep a couple of books of hers that were important to me because of how they shaped my love for SF&F, and for the sense of wonder they engendered in me. In the end, I couldn't keep any of them. It was a decision a long time in coming, and it was the first time in my life I have ever thrown books out. I don't believe I shall ever do it again. But for me it was the right thing to do. I couldn't stomach giving them to a second-hand store.

3. Picked up the partly empty drink cup a well-made up gym rat had left on her seat as she headed out the L train door to get to a Cubs game, handed it to her (or her friend, the even more made-up gym rat) and "asked" her to throw it away in a garbage can once she got onto the platform, since "I believe it belongs to you." She did. I am ashamed of being petty about their looks. I should not be that way, since I support anyone's right to decorate their body in the way they see fit. I can only point to my upbringing and say it's hard to escape the attitudes I grew up experiencing when it comes to make-up. On the other hand, I am very glad I told her pick up her damn trash. Politely.

4. Became an employee of tronc. Yes, tronc. tronc. tronc. Mother of fucking god.

5. Wrote a little more of "Hearts & Moons." Go, me.

Current Mood: morose
Current Location: the livingroom
Current Music: a thunderstorm
Crossposts: http://kaffyr.livejournal.com/413474.html

The Weekend. Dear Lord, the Weekend

Monday: Sinead
Tuesday: More Sinead
Wednesday: Union rep at two discipline hearings, 1 clearcut, 1 less so. Learned I'd be getting another town added to my beats, with at least 3 more beats in said town.
Thursday: Can't remember, because of Monday-Wednesday. Not enough stories written
Friday: Results of discipline hearings. Teh Suck. Not enough stories written.

BUT ... This

"Hymn to Friday" (Watch on YouTube)

Also, old-fashioned jazz, and a mimosa.

And a very handsome husband.

Maybe things are looking up?

Current Mood: hopeful
Current Location: living room
Current Music: Spade Cooley: Blonde Fiddler Blues
Crossposts: http://kaffyr.livejournal.com/411303.html

OH, CRAP

Crap, crappity crap.

Current Mood: distressed
Current Location: The livingroom
Current Music: Not a damned thing
Crossposts: http://kaffyr.livejournal.com/397358.html

Why Postpone, When You Can Just. Not. Do. It....

It's a simple feature story. Why in heaven's name (or hell's, or purgatory's or limbo's) can't I just do it?

AAAAAAaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuugh.

Current Mood: frustrated
Current Location: the home office
Crossposts: http://kaffyr.livejournal.com/376108.html

Just Two Things

Happy almost-belated birthday to the estimable beamjockey; I hope your day was great!
I hate Microsoft Outlook. That is all.
OK, three things: did you know that the art of fixing a water main is actually pretty darned interesting? No, you did not. But I know, because I learned about it today. And took pictures of a broken water main being repaired. I even got hit in the head by a small bit of rock that was being blown out of the hole by a huge water sucking vacuum. Physics, baby ....
OK four things. Dreamwidth isn't letting me make bullet points tonight. Argh. EDIT: now it is. Yay.
And four: my mouth hurts, Bert!

Current Mood: aggravated
Current Location: Going to bed
Crossposts: http://kaffyr.livejournal.com/339325.html

Parades are good ...
And work glitches shouldn't interfere with enjoying them

Thank ghu for good days. Even though I had to work today, and even though I hadn't realized until Thursday that I was working a weekend shift, it's still a good day today.

First, because my work day is over, and I actually managed to write two stories. Second, because one of those stories was a fluffy feature about my town's holiday parade, which necessitated me going to see the parade this morning

We-e-e-ll, I say "necessitated" ... I should say I had the great good luck to have a parade to go to.

I love parades. I have ever since I was a wee little thing. I don't believe I'll ever get too old for them, and I don't really care if they're huge, long processions or little dinky community affairs, as this one was. There's just something about the positive vibes - yes, that's pretty woo-woo, I acknowledge - about seeing floats and marching bands, hearing bagpipes, all the bright colors, waving at the participants and having them wave back - even the clowns and the Shriner mini-cars, they all press my childhood buttons of wonder and special occasion and festival. And with the tiny parades, there's an added sense of shared community; everyone's smiling, kids are generally having at least a bit of fun, even the older ones, and people are willing to let their barriers down and talk to you.

So I got to wander around and ask people if they were having fun, and see loads of people I knew - even had someone come out of the parade and give me a hug. I've definitely been on my beat long enough to say "I know this town," at least a little bit.

Once I got home, and a little thawed out - it was 42 degrees Fahrenheit, which was better than it has been over the past week, but my fingers still got numb - I wrote up the story and sent it to the duty editor. And then it was on to an actual news story that I'd done the interviews for a couple of days ago. And then I was able to end my day.

Why does this fairly pedestrian activity relax me and even make me a tad joyful? Because for the first three days of the week, I was in an unpleasantly high state of tension, for a reason that hasn't happened to me in a while.

( Non-parade, slightly crappy, you've been warned )
Ahem; this seems to have turned into a long angsty post.

But I'm happy! I've been able to do a post, and I went to a parade! And I have a glass of wine next to me, and BB and I are about to watch a movie! And I made cookies, too many of which I've ingested! And tomorrow is a day off! And Thanksgiving is coming, which I love! So there are a lot of positives! And many, many exclamation points!!

Current Mood: relieved
Current Location: the livingroom
Crossposts: http://kaffyr.livejournal.com/332849.html

It's Been Very Real Out There

So this is just a placeholder to say I'm still alive. My mother died a year ago Monday. That's weird. My company gets sold tomorrow. Also weird. I have a head cold. Not weird, just uncomfortable. More, later.

Current Mood: exanimate
Current Location: Going to bed
Crossposts: http://kaffyr.livejournal.com/329792.html

Monday was Monday All Day

Offspring, cars, long meetings, negotiations done over the phone, stories on deadline and past it. Yes, it's been that kind of a day. I am going to go to bed now. What I'd love to do tomorrow is post something long, and thoughtful, on something in life that is, well, long. And thoughtful.

What I would not like to do tomorrow is post anything that is grumpy, kvetchy, or anything of the sort.

So, Happy Tuesday to all, even before I finish Monday. Perhaps that will give me a running start on the second day of the working week.

Sigh.
( Yup. That kind of day. )

Current Mood: tired
Current Location: Going to bed
Crossposts: http://kaffyr.livejournal.com/324359.html

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kaffy_r

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Grasping at Grace (and Growth)

Transformation is Inescapable

Entries tagged with worry

Dept. of This and That

Dept. of Democracy, Etc.

Dept. of Health, Online Version

Dept. of Mercy Mercy Me

Dept. of Life Changes

Dept. of Is It Friday Yet

Dept. of Monday

Dept. of the Weekend

Dept. of Very Brief Update

Dept. of Illness

Dept. of America

Dept. of This and That

Dept. of Saturday

Dept. of Just Keep Swimming

(no subject)

Dept. of Sunday

Dept. of Game 3

Dept. of Getting Back on the Damn Bike

Dept. of Small Mercies

Dept. of AAAAAAAaaaaaaaa

Dept. of Frustration

Dept. of Rushing, Rushing, Rushing

Dept. of Saturday

Dept. of Just Keep Swimming

Dept. of Monday

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June 2025

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